Much has transpired since our last correspondence, and I’d like to seize this opportunity to reassess the increasingly volatile state of the entire world, how it has metamorphosed since the commencement of the interview series. Subjects will be touched upon in order of importance.
Most Important Thing That Happened to Humanity Since Like January
1. Panda Bear Moves Up Tomboy Release Date
On April 12th, Panda Bear will release Tomboy, the greatest collection of recorded music ever. Following a trajectory similar to that of Kanye West’s move from the felicitous wizardry of Graduation to the darker, faultless My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Panda Bear retooled his sound without abandoning it, trimmed the sonic fat with a mindful straight edge, concentrated everything great and bright about Person Pitch into something dusky but altogether radiant, perfect even. To commemorate the event, this forever changing of the musical landscape, of oceanic sound wave trenches that rise to reveal themselves as crescendoing mountains, of the percussive rockface that erodes in a blink, leaving only the near silence of wind, I will be getting a tattoo of the album’s artwork, before the album even comes out. Stefano described this aspiration as, “super metal,” furthering my resolve.
2. Charlie Sheen
3. The New Yorker Published an Unpublished David Foster Wallace Story
Read Backbone by clicking this, and you will be pleased to find one of the most extraordinary metaphors for self-love in recent memory. On a semi-unrelated note, The New Yorker also published an awe-inspiring story by Robert Coover the very next week. Read Going for a Beer by clicking this, and you will be pleased to find one of the most extraordinary metaphors for your entire life in recent memory.
4. NBC Cancelled Perfect Couples, Continued to Not-Cancel Outsourced
There will come a day when the world will recognize Kyle Bornheimer as the best comedic actor of his generation, and, on that day, my faith in the world will be partly restored.
5. I was accepted into graduate school(s).
6. The Kabooms Team Building Rapids Waterpark Excursion is this Monday!
Nothing builds morale like water slides build morale.
7. That is Everything Important that Happened
Did I miss anything? Write me back?
O’s and X’s,