Critical Analyses: What Does the New Facebook Mean for YOU?

Unbeknownst to everyone, Facebook has redesigned its layout before.  In actuality it’s a pretty frequent occurrence, happening roughly two times a year to varying degrees, and, every time everyone in Zuckerbergburg changes things, everyone in social media projected-self reality grows enraged, or at least their Facebook statuses do.  The most recent round of redesigns-which went into effect yesterday-include a blue corner on newsfeed stories that indicates that a story should be particularly interesting to you, an enlargement of uploaded photos and first photos of photo albums, and a twitterization of the Most Recent Newsfeed.  Status bars can now recognize and post statuses, links, pictures, videos, emoticon hearts without any menu interaction.   Stefano’s dad remains someone I may know.  It’s as different as not being really that different gets, but why then the outrage?

To understand the ubiquitous feelings of civil unrest re the most recent Facebook redesign (9/21, in the modern lexicon), one must examine what brings roughly 750 million people to Facebook in the first place.

What Brings 750 Million People to Facebook in the First Place

1.  To connect and share with the people in their lives.

2.  The ladies.

3.  To observe who has most recently posted delusional, rightwing bullshit on their statuses asking other delusional, rightwing bullshit-slingers to make those statuses their statuses.

4.  To see how Michelle Farro idiotically reacts to #3.

5.  The endless, baffling torrent of people posting pictures of their dogs doing nothing.

6.  To see what alternative music video from 2001-2004 Jenna Heffern has posted on her wall with a caption of “Just Breathe Girl” or “Live Life for the Never, Incubus.”

7.  Check out Baby Pictures of Famous Dictators.

8.  Repost the latest post of Baby Pictures of Famous Dictators to their wall.

9.  Facebook AIM.

10.  To ensure that Amanda Lauria, Alyssa Florio, Danielle Braden are so psyched for a “weekend with the gurliesss/bitchessss” and/or really have to see Angela’s face because they NEED IT IN THEIR LIFES.

11. Check on the status of the new Mastodon CD

End of List

Have any of these activities become impossible? No.  Have maybe two of them become marginally more difficult to execute?  Possibly for roughly thirty seconds before anyone with an operative nervous system figures out how and learns to do it automatically to dizzying effect.  If everyone that moaned about the changes to Facebook instead focused on righting the actual atrocities in the world would the world be a better place?  Maybe, granted they obviously have nothing going on, but they also care about stylistic choices on the Facebook layout, hence, probably not, but who am I to say!  In conclusion, do anything but what you are doing.  Change is what things do.  TBS isn’t going to bring back Lopez Tonight.  Stop.  Stop.  Please.  Stop.