The Gargantuan BPoFD NFL Preview: The Justin Garber Edition

In preparation for the upcoming NFL season, Baby Pictures of Famous Dictators has commissioned four preeminent NFL analysts to offer their opinions and insights as a means of enlightening an unenlightened world. The names of these analysts, listed alphabetically, are: Justin Garber, George Gutierrez, Chris Lada, and Carmen Petaccio. In this edition of The Gargantuan BPoFD NFL Preview, clinical psychologist Justin Garber weighs in on the unforeseeable future of The National Football League. Thanks, Justin. From, The World.

Read Carmen Petaccio’s Gargantuan NFL Preview By Clicking These Words

The Gargantuan BPoFD NFL Preview

The Justin Garber Edition

AFC

AFC East:

Ballichek

1.    New England Patriots

2.    Buffalo Bills

3.    Miami Dolphins

4.    NY Jets

WHY, you ask…. As long as Bill Bellycheck continues to coach (cheat) and Tom Brady continues to play (dominate), the Patriots will be the best team in the AFC East.  Their reign won’t last because Tebow will summon the wrath of God to make right what is wrong in this division.  This won’t happen until next year though.  Go Bills!

AFC North:

Everybody=Garber

1.    Baltimore Ravens

2.    Pittsburgh Steelers

3.    Cincinnati Bengals

4.    Cleveland Browns

WHY, you ask…. In the division known for defense, offense will be the deciding factor.  Baltimore’s offense, under the control of Joe “Shane-Falco” Flacco, will continue to develop and rely less on their defense.  When did Cleveland get a football team?

AFC South:

The Power of Alliteration

1.    Jacksonville Jaguars

2.    Houston Texans

3.    Tennessee Titans

4.    Indianapolis Colts

WHY you ask…. Because of this division’s irrelevance in the NFL, I have taken the recommendations of the all knowing Laura Schmidt.

AFC West:

“No, we’re good. City’s all yours.”-Kansas

1.    San Diego Chargers

2.    Denver Broncos

3.    Oakland Raiders

4.    Kansas City Chiefs

WHY, you ask…. I am not picking the winner of this division.  I am picking the loser.  Down with the Chiefs!  I wish continued failure on that organization for ruining the Packers perfect season.  In addition, my middle name is Philip.

Wild Card Teams: …Pittsburgh and Houston

NFC

NFC East:

A Giant Beanbag Chair

1.     NYG

2.     Philadelphia Eagles

3.     Washington

4.     Dallas

WHY, you ask… As much as I hate to admit it, the New York Giants have big time players that make big time plays.  Yes, I am misquoting John Madden.

NFC North:

“Discount Double Check Yourself”

1.      Green Bay

2.     Detroit

3.     Chicago

4.     Minnesota

WHY you ask…. I will never pick the Packers to be the lesser team in any situation.  This would even be true should they compete 9 innings against the 1927 Yankees.  Rodgers throws heat.

NFC South:

Justin Garber: Real Househusband of Hotlanta

1.     Atlanta

2.     NO

3.     Tampa

4.     Carolina

WHY you ask…. New Orleans is a team that has a history of responding well to adversity, but in my experience as the Toms River High School North quarterback (Eat your heart out McGowan), losing a head coach is devastating .  Atlanta is hot!

NFC West:

Buona Notte, Bella Garber

1.     San Fran

2.     Seattle

3.     Arizona

4.     St. Louis

WHY you ask….  I am tired of justifying my opinions.

Wild Card Teams: …New Orleans and Detroit

Thanks again to Justin for his valued opinions!