(Please note: These diaristic recaps of the final eight episodes of AMC’s Breaking Bad are written from the point of view of Walter “Flynn” White Jr., the son of Walter and Skyler White. Given this conceit, certain liberties will be taken with Flynn’s characterization, story lines, and awareness of events. Barring the flash forwards, which won’t be included and would amount to little more than pure, stupid speculation, as many scenes as possible will be chronicled in these recaps, albeit tangentially, through the eyes of Flynn.)
Breaking Bad Season 5 Episode 10: “Buried”
Excerpted from The Diary of Flynn White
As I probably mentioned, I’ve been volunteering at the Albuquerque soup kitchen. NOT just because my guidance counselor, Ms. Sherry, said it would look good on my ASU application….well…okay MAYBE because of that. But it’s still really really rewarding (jerk!). I get to help out the less fortunate Albuquerqueans and meet all sorts of different people from all sorts of different walks of life. It’s a real eye-opener. Which makes me so appreciative that I have a great family whose ONLY worry is whether or not we need another car wash. Anyway, I need to tell you the story that one of the old men at the soup kitchen told me. It’s a crazy story, so prepare yourself. Anyway, this morning he went out to his truck intending to drive to the 711 for a pack of Cools BUT THEN HE FOUND A WAD OF MONEY ON HIS SIDEWALK. AND ANOTHER IN THE NEIGHBOR’S YARD. AND LIKE FIVE MORE, A LA HANSEL & GRETEL’S BREADCRUMBS. WHICH LEAD HIM TO A CAR THAT HAD CRASHED ON A NEARBY PLAYGROUND. Crazy, right? The old man said he found a whole duffel bag full of money in the car, and that the driver was this spaced out druggie who was playing on the spinny-go-round, just looking at the clouds. Ugh. Drugs are disgusting. I never want anything to do with anyone who has anything to do with drugs. EVER. Obviously the police came and arrested the druggie for having money because it’s illegal to have that much money, I guess. IMHO it was pretty stupid for the old man to call the police, since he could have kept all the money but I guess that’s why he was in a soup kitchen!
That was mean.
Mood: So Sorry
Song: “Please Forgive Me” by Bryan Adams
Remember when Dad went over to Uncle Hank’s to return that beeper and/or look for his poetry book? Well I think they might have had a FIGHT. Maybe. Not sure. But I tried dad’s phone and the car wash and he didn’t answer and he wasn’t there. Then I saw his car drift right past our house at 90 miles an hour and he was screaming into his cell phone like a sociopathic meth murderer whose DEA brother-in-law had just caught him being a meth murderer. I guess something must have happened at the car wash. Maybe mom bought the wrong air fresheners? Luckily though, just as I was starting to really worry, mom called from the diner, asking if I wanted her to bring me home anything! I guess she and Uncle Hank had a nice lunch, and wanted to share some of that niceness! It’s like she can tell when I’m sad and knows exactly how to make it better. What do people without perfect families do? IDK. And yeah mom kept screaming “AM I UNDER ARREST” as I told her what I wanted, but after a while that became kind of funny. Like, what?! Why would you ever scream that! So as she screamed “AM I UNDER ARREST,” I screamed back “MAKE SURE THEY DON’T FORGET MY TEXAS TOAST!” Going to wait by the window now.
Song: “The Reeling” by Passion Pit
Aunt Marie called me from her purple Blackberry today with a silly question. “Flynn,” she asked me in her purple voice, “if your father was a meth kingpin murderer, and your mother was complicit with the crimes, and your parents’ activities had contributed to your uncle nearly being killed, which would contribute to your aunt seeking vengeance against your parents; given all that, would you feel safe living in your house?” What a silly question! My first thought was, “What a silly question!” And my second thought was, “What a silly question!” So I said, “What a silly question, Aunt Marie,” and hung up on that silly purple klepto.
That was mean.
Mood: So Sorry.
Song: “Please Forgive Me” by Bryan Adams (live encore from YouTube)
Frustrating day. After breakfast, I locked myself in my room to work on the podcast I’ve been developing for savewalterwhite.com. It was going really well (I’ve raised over $26,000,000 from anonymous funds for dad’s treatment). And then Aunt Marie came over in her purple Ecko outfit. And then her and Mom GOSSIPED AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS FOR LIKE EVER. They gossiped in my mom’s room for like an hour (Aunt Marie did most of the talking (surprise)). Then they gossiped in the living room while playing with Holly (my little sister), who Aunt Marie hogged (surprise). What a bunch of Chatty Cathys! I basically got no work done on the podcast. Ugh! I even saw Uncle Hank waiting outside instead of hanging out with them, and I don’t blame him. When those hens come home to roost, those hens come home to ROOST. Going to FINALLY try and get some work done now.
Song: “Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins
Bad news. Found a lottery ticket on the fridge. Think dad might be gambling again. I wasn’t sure if I should tell mom (remember: mom, the pool, :(, you know). But I decided that we’re such a strong family that we can get through anything even a scratch-off addiction. So I went into mom’s room to tell her, and what did I see, but mom and dad playing in a blanket fort in their bathroom! Just like old times! That’s when I knew I was overreacting. Silly me. Dumb me, ha ha ha. They’re really the cutest. I was so worried before that my dad’s gambling addiction had returned, but now I know everything will be a-okay.
Song: “The Gift” by Angels & Airwaves
Today I called the police station to ask Uncle Hank to write me a rec letter for ASU, and you’ll NEVER GUESS what he was up to. Apparently he was interrogating the same spinny-go-round druggie that my friend from the soup kitchen saw! Small world. It’s truly like there’s only dad, mom, Uncle Hank, Aunt Marie, that druggie, and me in the whole world. And sometimes it feel like not even me! (Also: Holly (my little sister). Forgot Holly) I wonder what Uncle Hank was talking to the druggie about. Probably he was asking him something like, “Where did you get all these wads of money did you earn it by working with my kingpin meth murderer sociopath brother-in-law I’VE GOT YOU.” I wonder what the druggie would say to that! I know what I’d say. I’d say, “Sorry I did all that, Uncle Hank. Will you please write me a rec letter for ASU now? PLEASE.” (I left a message with his secretary so I’ll let you know when he gets back to me.) Until next week.