(Please note: These diaristic recaps of the final eight episodes of AMC’s Breaking Bad are written from the point of view of Walter “Flynn” White Jr., the son of Walter and Skyler White. Given this conceit, certain liberties will be taken with Flynn’s characterization, story lines, and awareness of events. Barring the flash forwards, which won’t be included and would amount to little more than pure, stupid speculation, as many scenes as possible will be chronicled in these recaps, albeit tangentially, through the eyes of Flynn.)
Breaking Bad Season 5 Episode 14: “Ozymandias”
Excerpted from The Diary of Flynn White
Another super great day at the car wash. Things keep getting better and better. My LIFE keeps getting better and better every day by every second. Whoo!!! The car wash is so much fun!!! It’s everything I want: cool cars like mine, interesting people from all different walks of life, and I get to practice my “espanol” (please imagine a squiggly line over the n) with the guys who work outside. Def the happiest I have ever been. Can’t believe how lucky I am sometimes. Seriously. Like a rejection from ASU couldn’t bring me down right now. Life is just perfect and I hope things will never change and if I struggle to imagine the one thing in the world that would bring my entire life crashing to its forever broken knees it would be if my dad was a kingpin meth drug lord murderer child poisoner drug dealer runner over socipathic psychopath who recently commanded Neo-Nazis to murder my beloved Uncle Hank in cold blood before also commanding them to murder his meth cook protege surrogate son who never asked for any of this. LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN. R-O-T-F-L. I’m sure Uncle Hank isn’t answering my calls because he’s busy drafting my rec letter for ASU. I’m SURE of it. I’ve NEVER been so SURE of ANYTHING in my LIFE. What a great thing it is to be sure of things! And, look, here’s Aunt Marie now in her purple mourning attire, probably stopping by to drop off my rec letter. Let me see what she has to say. BRB!
Mood:Totally Optimistic For The Future
Song: “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves
Song: “Condemned to Agony” by Cannibal Corpse
Mom just cut dad with a butcher knife. Bye.
Mood: Mom Just Cut Dad With A Butcher Knife. Bye.
Song: “Cuts Like A Knife” by Bryan Adams
I just butcher knife greco roman wrestled my dad to stop him from killing my mom. Bye.
(Editor’s Note: Walt Junior is fucking RAW.)
Mood: I Just Butcher Knife Greco Roman Wrestled My Dad To Stop Him From Killing My Mom. Bye.
Song: “Down With the Sickness” by Disturbed
Dad just stole Holly (my little sister). I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. Bye.
Mood: Dad Just Stole Holly (My Little Sister). I Don’t Know If I’ll Ever See Her Again. Bye.
Song: “Since I Lost My Baby” by The Temptations
What have I learned? I have learned that you truly can’t trust anyone, not even those you love. Especially those you love. I have learned that the second you start loving someone is the second you start losing someone, and that loss is inevitable, inescapable, accompanied by more anguish than life can possibly prepare you for. I have learned that betrayal is the norm, not the exception. Everything you think you know is totally fucking wrong, and by the time you realize how wrong you’ve been you are totally fucking fucked. I have loved where I should have hated, averted my eyes when I should have looked. I am a fool and a coward and the only reason I want to live is to ensure that my dad dies before I do. This is the only thing I have left to offer the world. Until next week!