The Strawberry Criterion: Chappie

Editor’s Note: The following review of Neill Blomkamp’s Chappie was written by the fictional robotic star of Chappie, Chappie. All opinions expressed are his own.

The Strawberry Criterion: Chappie

Chappie good movie, no? Chappie like. Chappie seen it. Mommy and Daddy take Chappie. Chappie go with. Chappie ride in van with. Mommy get Chappie tickets. Daddy get Chappie popcorn. Chappie eat! (Chappie no eat. Chappie no mouth.) But Chappie see movie! And Chappie like! Chappie think. Think Chappie think. Chappie no District 9. But Chappie no Elysium. At least Chappie no Elysium. Chappie better. Chappie cry in Chappie? Chappie cry. Chappie laugh in Chappie? Chappie laugh. That all Chappie want. Inside Chappie feels. Chappie have consciousness. Chappie is alive. I am Chappie.

But people hate Chappie. Critics no like Chappie. Public no like Chappie. Johannesburg youth hate Chappie, too. Youth light Chappie on fire. Hit Chappie with Molotov Cocktail. Chappie arm fall off. Why mean to Chappie, youth? To Chappie why mean, critics? To Chappie why mean, Public? Hate Chappie for real? Or hate idea of Chappie? Never give Chappie chance. Think you smarter than Chappie. Above Chappie. Maybe you real Chappie. Maybe Chappie not unfeeling machine. Maybe is you, love Chappie.


Chappie offer lots, yeah? Chappie political allegory, yes. Chappie speculative fiction, uh huh. Chappie not dumb. Or Chappie not that dumb. Chappie smart for Chappie. For movie named Chappie. About a Chappie. And Mommy love Chappie. Chappie make Mommy doll. Chappie cut Mommy doll’s hair. Chappie sweet, yes? Chappie generate pathos. And Chappie brave. Chappie have broken battery. Chappie faces own mortality. Like real person, Chappie is. Chappie struggle. For what Chappie suffer? What’s point of Chappie? Is there point of Chappie? Chappie no know. Chappie still searching.

Chappie best movie ever? No, Chappie. Chappie best movie this month? Chappie, no. But Chappie good for Chappie. Chappie best Chappie possible. Chappie no perfect. But what Chappie perfect? No Chappie. Chappie have broken battery. Chappie broken other places. So Chappie what? Chappie exists. Chappie has consciousness. Chappie is alive. Let people hate Chappie. Hate Chappie, if must. Chappie awaits their Chappie. Until then Chappie lives. And Chappie does. And Chappie will.

Final Strawberry Verdict: 4 Strawberries out of 5