Gene “Genesar” Sardoni is the father of Taylor “T” Sardoni, Austin “Ausar” Sardoni, Bre “Bresar” Sardoni, and the son of Phyllis “The Original” Sardoni. His notorious blog, “Genesar: A Day in the Life” was the first blog I read with any regularity, and it continues to garner my readership to this day because of Gene’s estimable nature, candor, the perspectival nuances that life has afforded him. My brazen lack of filter with respect to BABY PICTURES OF FAMOUS DICTATORS is due in no small dose to Gene’s blogging. I thank him for it. He is a man that takes immeasurable pride in the accomplishments of his children, acknowledges his shortcomings and triumphs with equanimity, and possesses one of the most dangerous wiffle ball pitch repertoires I have ever witnessed. In his writing, words, actions, he has influenced my concept of real life adulthood, the difficulties that lie ahead, and, crucially, the rewards that lie ahead of all that.
Interview Series Day 24: Gene “Genesar” Sardoni
CP: Where were you born and where do you currently reside?
GS: I was born in Passaic New Jersey on September 17th 1957. I currently reside in Brick New Jersey.
CP: What is your first memory?
GS: I have vague memories of my mother and father in our living room in Saddle Brook, sitting around the fireplace watching black-and-white TV.
CP: What is your animus or power animal?
GS: Tigger. Not a tiger, Tigger.
CP: What is the best advice you ever received?
GS: “Everything in moderation.”
CP: What was the first television show you watched and how did it affect you emotionally?
GS: I have a vivid memory of watching Viva Las Vegas on TV when I was very very young, and being very enthused by Ann Margret in the dance scene at UNLV in what appeared to be a one piece bathing suit (or danceskin thing).
Note: Research has proven that danceskin is indeed a thing.
The Sentence Completion Portion of the Interview
CP: My name is Genesar, whilst walking Ralphsar on the beach, I stub my toe on a treasure chest. Inside, I find $100,000 in gold doubloons, and an inscription on the chest that reads PLEASE RETURN TO RIGHTFUL OWNER THE HOPELESS ORPHANAGE/LOU GEHRIG’S DISEASE RESEARCH FACILITY DETROIT MI NO REWARD WILL BE GIVEN. I immediately ______.
GS: Oh hell, you touched upon Lou Gehrig, my favorite baseball player of all time and thus I would return the chest of gold to its rightful owner. I would, however, ask my son and his former/future college roommate to write a screenplay about the incident so that we could profit in some way from my adventure in selflessness.
Note: Good luck with Gene’s Decision New School.
CP: My name is Genesar, and my greatest wiffle ball accomplishment was ______.
GS: There are three.
Note: There are three.
GS(cont.): (1) 1978. I hit a grand slam off of James Barratta on Pershing Ave over the street and onto the back porch of the neighbor’s house. (2) 1976 We actually had T-shirts made with Rogers Ave Royals on it. Me, Billy R, Nicky Coles and Lil Nicky and we beat the Pershing Ave Pirates with Eddie Lombard, James Barratta, Johnny Mayo and John David Marsalla. (3) 2010 striking out my future son-in-law and one time minor league prospect, looking!
CP: My name is Genesar, and in my previous life I was ______.
GS: No previous life for me, I am a newbie…
CP: My name is Genesar, and I just won a billion Canadian dollars. I’m totally going to _______.
GS: Pay off some debts, buy a house on the beach in Bay Head, another house in the Cayman Islands, give my children $25 million each, McGowan $10 million, you $10 million, and Reale 10 million.
Note: With my ten million dollars, I would write a check for ten million dollars, paid to the order of CHRIS MCGOWAN.
CP: My name is Genesar, and if I could live out the rest of my life in the world of one movie, that movie world would be ______.
GS: Goodfellas. No wait, I’d probably be Spider…Godfather 1, and I would NOT be Fredo.
Note: Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
The Basically Personal Questions Portion of the Interview
CP: What three poetic forms best describe you and why?
GS: I’m simple like a haiku, transcendental like free verse, rhythmic like a sonnet.
CP: Do you believe in God? Why not?
GS: I believe in something that gives meaning to us. I am averse to organized religion since it is all created by man, and thus flawed. I believe that there is something in having faith…particularly in yourself and doing the right thing.
CP: What aspect of the New York Yankees do you hate the most?
GS: High ticket prices.
CP: What is your second choice dream job?
GS: Sports writer for the Daily News.
CP: What aspect of heroin addiction do you most envy and why?
CP: You have been elected The President of the United States in a landslide win over BreSar in the 2016 election. What policies would you enact? Which would you discontinue?
GS: She’d have me assassinated. I am not very political, but lean towards the right…
CP: What piece of sporting equipment best describes you and why?
GS: A basketball…bouncing, sometimes goes in the hoop, oftentimes misses. A metaphor for my life thus far.
CP: If you could trade lives with one person, would you? If so, who would it be?
GS: Derek Jeter’s.
CP: Three dinner guests, living or dead, who would they be?
GS: My Dad in his late 30’s or early 40’s, Dean Martin, my Uncle Rusty.
CP: Redo one moment in your life?
GS: The last several months of my Dad’s life were hard for me. I could not see him deteriorate as he had from old age, Parkinsons and cancer. I was self absorbed and stayed away. It wasn’t the father I remembered. When I saw him in the hospital I was pissed at myself for missing him. His eyes were barely alive and I remember crying and yelling at him that I was mad at him for leaving me. He only had love for his children and I felt like I deserted him. No excuse for that. He loved me very much.
The Word Association Portion of the Interview
GS: Wagon train!
GS: Oy vey!
The Favorite Anythings Portion of the Interview
CP: What is your favorite afterlife scenario?
GS: I am 15 again. Boat. Manasquan. All my loved ones around.
Note: Big Fish is also my ideal afterlife scenario.
CP: What is your favorite song lyric of all time?
GS: The pump don’t work cause the vandals took the handle.
CP: Who is your favorite Yankee of all time?
GS: Gehrig. Mantle. Roy White growing up. Tino. Thurman. Wow.
CP: What is your favorite Shakespeare quote?
GS: “To err is human, to forgive divine.”
Genesar’s Question for Carmen’s End of the Month Self-Interview
Q24: How did Lesbianism affect the Crimean War?