To Our New Dog, Formerly Known As Bobette, Who Apparently Has a Penis

Dear Brucie,

When the unsuspecting veterinarian discovered a respectably sized dog penis between your legs, the only thing that changed, in our eyes, was your name. Though gender may be a definitive biological reality for some, it is a much more complex and fluid distinction for others, and we believe it is each individual’s right, be they human or canine, to define gender on his or her or their own terms. To us, it matters not at all whether you’re a boy pooch, or a girl pooch, or a pooch somewhere in-between–the pure parental love we feel for you remains forever unconditional, the promises we made to you still hold. We loved you as Bobette, the sassy-classy lady dog in the fetch purple garland, and we will love you as Brucie, the gentlemanly boy dog in the unisex purple harness. You’ve been such a good boy, these past six days. You are as still as a statue during your thrice weekly antibiotic baths. On walks, you concern yourself not at all with the yappy teacup yorkie across the street. When you feel the need to take an enormous shit on the carpet, you always do so unobtrusively. More than a good boy, you are a good dog. That may seem like an insignificant distinction, but it’s an important one. Goodness–like love–knows no gender. We couldn’t ask for a better pup, and we never will. Good Brucie.

Love Always,

Mom & Dad