2016 was a banner year for death. David Bowie died, as did other less important people. Here are the Top 50 people who deserved to die this year but didn’t, ranked by how much they deserved to die.
Everyone Who Should Have Died in 2016 But Didn’t, Ranked
50. Iggy Pop, The One Who Lived
49. Queen Elizabeth II, Ancient Imperialist
48. Tomi Lahren, Mall Kiosk Racist
47. Trevor Noah, Tomi Lahren’s Boyfriend/Sub
46. Bob Dylan, Nobel Prize Winner
45. George W. Bush, War Criminal/Painter
44. Amy Schumer, Marketplace Feminist
43. Eric Garland, Game Theorist
42. Samantha Bee, School Segregationist
41. Richard Spencer, Bloated Hipster
40. Taylor Swift, Marketplace Feminist/Poison Salesman
39. Jeff Bezos, Space Enthusiast
38. Lin-Manuel Miranda, Rat-tailed Embarrassment
37. Vladimir Putin, Winner of the Cold War
36. Kurt Eichenwald, Skin-Wrapped Nervous Breakdown
35. Gail Collins, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
34. Paul Krugman, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
33. Charles M. Blow, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
32. Maureen Dowd, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
31. Frank Bruni, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
30. Whatever Broad Wrote Lady Ghostbusters
29. Nicholas Kristof, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
28. Ross Douthat, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
27. David Brooks, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
26. Thomas Friedman, New York Times Op-Ed Columnist
25. Nikki Haley, Female Forrest Gump But Real
24. Rick Perry, Drooling Dancing With The Stars Failure
23. Rex Tillerson, Broken Oil Derrick
22. Dr. Ben Carson, Lobotomized Brain Surgeon
21. Betsy DeVos, Childhood Ruiner
20. J.J. Abrams, Childhood Ruiner
19. Steven Mnuchin, Entourage Producer
18. Jeff Sessions, Racist Bridge Troll
17. Andrew Pudzer, Robot Fetishist/Poison Salesman
16. Ted Cruz, Sniveling Ingrown Micropenis
15. Chris Christie, Robocan Full of Festering Cheeseballs
14. Ivanka Trump, Incest Victim
13. Jared Kushner, Incest Pimp
12. Marco Rubio, Malfunctioning Westworld Host
11. Paul Ryan, Well-Toned Fascist
10. Lena Dunham, Aspiring Abortionee
9. Reince Priebus, Spineless Beta-Cuck
8. Rudy Giuliani, Rabid Subway Rat
7. Kellyanne Conway, Animate Xanax Pill
6. Steve Bannon, Alcoholic Nazi
5. Mike Pence, Fetus Funeral Undertaker
4. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Frizzy Judas
3. Hillary Clinton, Itinerant Sasquatch
2. Donald Trump, President-Elect
1. Me, Please
baby pictures of famous dictators 
