Rico Caruso Rico Caruso was one half of holdonlove. For as long as I’ve known him, music has been integral to his identity. In the sixth grade, Rico became so infatuated with caucasian rap […]
Will Zurich is one of my best friends, and another fifth of the Todd Road Dynasty. Like the rest of the Dynasty, Will exudes sexuality, class, and has no idea who Ryan actually is. He […]
Sarah Ramirez is the great love of my young life. Five years ago this Valentine’s Day, she date-raped me at a party, and from those innocent and serendipitous beginnings our adulation blossomed. Unlike the analogous […]
Brian Petaccio is my father, and he is way too busy to be interviewed.
Theresa Petaccio is my mother. Because of the wayward choices of her youth, she, more than anyone, must bear the full brunt of my condition, and she has borne that tribulation valiantly, lovingly, for the […]
Stefano Daneri Stefano Daneri is my cousin. Genetically and experientially, he is the closest thing I have to a brother. Technically, as our mothers are identical twins with identical DNA, Stefano is my half brother. […]
Anna Bodenhamer is my cousin Stefano’s girlfriend. As Stefano and I are regularly mistaken for twins, logic says that Anna finds me to be incredibly attractive. I cannot blame her. Aside from Anna’s exemplary taste […]