Alena Crescenzo is good friends with my sister, Anna “Banana” Petaccio.  Truth be told, I don’t really know her all that well.  From what I was able to glean from her Facebook digidentity, Alena attends […]

Chris McGowan is my most intelligent friend.  After taking a standardized IQ test in the sixth grade, a group of scientists went to Walnut Street Elementary to measure the circumference of Chris’ skull.  Their findings […]

In the seventh grade, I asked Jenna Heffern to go steady with me twice.  Both of my proposals were met with derisive, blithe rejection.  She refused me over landline   She refused me via IM. […]

Michelle Farro is and was my first kiss, first girlfriend, and the first in a long line of women to dismantle my soul and self-confidence with her callous, idiopathic rejection.  (Please, you vipers, stop, for […]

Noni! Agnes “Noni” Ricci is my grandmother.  The first worldly gift I ever received was a small, embroidered pillow that Noni gave me on the day of my birth that reads Grandparents are to spoil […]

*Due to an unforeseen scheduling conflict, my interview with Anthony Rombardo has been postponed.  I apologize to the entire world.  Luckily, I was able to replace the most interesting and complex individual I know with […]